unpredictable journal

31 July 2005

The second journal of the day

Recently really had been damn busy with lots of stuffs. School ends pretty late almost everyday and the journey back home was long and tiring too.

Reached home still have to do homework, revision and practice cello. But do I've so much time for all these? Especially cello... it was so rare that my neighbour could heard me playing cello any more... guess they must be damn elated. Haha... kidding. Not only myself that I've been worrying about. My parents... especially my dad... he's sick, dear... my goodness.... how could he be? Well... that's the fact... so guess I'm going to contribute something in the form of doing what my dad's used to do, like the easiest one, buying dinner for the family. And my niece, jie asked me to teach her some fundamental... but she was like so mischeivious... alamak... headache lor.

Then some misunderstanding with my c'mate till gotta go see the section head. Then now investigating and they'll take action lor... sianz... next time then write out the story over here.

Nah... then my juniors... worrying about their theory. But they just take their own sweet time, sianz... can't really be bother... Only Felicia... she hands in on time... and that's pretty good. Unlike the Terrace... haix... now they're all seperated... Felicia is much more faster than the rest. How how?

I've decided that I'm going to be v careful in my time management... not going to waste any sec of my precious time. Erm... that's about all... going to buy lunch for my dad...

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:26

Thanks aunty!

Yesterday went out of house at 11am to Audrey's house to have theory lesson with her mom. Wow, reached there just nice 1pm... so the journey was two hours, even farest to my school.

Her mom didn't went into grade by grade but she jumps directly into grade 5. Anyway, I don't have grade 4 notes or worksheet from her either, hah... [Jo's... rem the one that I given u, one grade 5 cover, Lina Ng and one naming chords? Is actually all grade 5... naming chords was the behind chapter... so is the same one] And she explained to me, normal, one topic she uses 2 lessons to cover... but she say it's not necessary for me. So we covered about 3.5 chapters when I started to look tired so she stopped.

Audrey... brought me to tour around the neighbourhood. Wow... the scnery is nice... the cold breezy weather... and of course Stella was there with us... and Dohby, their dog... was so lovable. So nice going there but is a little too far already...

Hm... when finished touring around the neighbourhood, aunty baked us some bread and with a cup of milo each. Wow... felt so envious of Audrey to have such a nice mom! Well, perhaps my mom was too tired and don't wanna spoonfeed us thats why usually we'll only have a cup of hot drink before heading to school or work. Hm... back to my story... I was trying to do something, I mean in the form of helping up with the washing... but I failed... haha...

After having a light tea-break, chit chatted with Audrey. In the middle I told her that is better for me to go off as I know that her parents, especially her dad 'll definitely give me ride back home, so... I tried to sneak off. But after thinking, is very rude to sneak off like this without informing her parents, so Audrey get her mom and I told her that I'm leaving... but failed. Haha... Her mom asked Audrey not to talk to me so that I can do my theory over there, so won't be wasting time mah. Then I took out my theory and she took our her history to do. And waited for a while, we went out together.

Uncle drove me back to my home, so pai sey... haix... Haha... Erm... then after which think they went out as a family to have dinner bah. Haha... so nice of them orh? So felt envious of me arh...

Felt so welcomed...

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:11

26 July 2005

Whoo... overslept... my plan is to wake up at 8am to do revision but I slept till 10am, jialat. Hm... guess today onwards, I'm going to start my revision le. If not sure cannot get what I expected. Jiayou le.

Hm... 13 more mins I'm going to shower then head to school le. Sianz... is real damn far, perhaps I should make use of the journey there to do my revision for BFD. Hm... yah... that's the way.

Lesson ends at 5pm reaching home around 6.30pm, so tiring. Here's my schedule for today:

6.30pm - Shower

7.00pm - Dinner

7.15pm - Practice cello

9.15pm - Homework, if any... but I doubt so. /Music theory

10.15pm - Wash up

10.30pm - Juniors theory books

11.30pm - Turn off...

I hope I'll luv myself more

10:30

25 July 2005

School life's driving me nuts!

Finally got back my progress test result for AFD, sigh... careless all over and I actually forgotten to do balancing for June and that's it... 14 marks gone. I identified the double entry and wrote it on the question paper but in the T A/C I actually wrote wrongly and for this... 3 marks gone. All together beacause of careless mistake, I lost 17 marks to full mark. Sigh... where am I always so careless?

Another progress test for OFA and again, I didn't done very well. Don't know why, perhaps... was because of the lecturer bah... haix... don't know. I just wish to do well in all modules that I'm taking.

Just came back from SYCO... hm... not many people. Almost all strings are gone except for 5 cellists and 2 double bass students. Well... was a pretty fun and relaxing practice.

Wondering why... today my mood was like so nasty. Sigh... I sincerely apologize to her (YY) for showing her attitude for nothing. Haix...

But I was happy today too, cuz I've found my 7years good friend, we haven't been contacting one another for years le... wow... she still remember me... miss her so much sia...

Haix... so tiring... guess that's about all... gonna sleep.

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:08

24 July 2005

I need a break!

Finally... cultural night performance is over, I'm exhausted and I need a break! Today actually wasted the whole afternoon loittering at JP with Yao Yao. Sigh... my plan is to visit HWI le, then go back home de but end up I didn't went down. Think I should feel glad about it, cuz Michelle they all actually went down there for nothing... wahaha... think I'm clever than them, k/d... heex.

Then reach home, just came out from bathroom. Hm... so tired... until I've no mood to study nor even do revision or practicing my AFD. Haix... not even 've any appetize to eat. Haix... so tired arh...

Feel like sleeping but my hair still wet so guess gotta wait a little while more. Sianz...

I hope I'll luv myself more

19:50

23 July 2005

I'm indeed a loser + Failure

Sigh... finally got back my OFA class test result and guess what? I failed 12/25... and is my first time failing Ms Word test... all thanks to the computer and the lecturer. Haix... don't wish to comment much about it but try to do everything myself and fight for the right when I was put in the wrong. Jia you le...

These few days gonna be a damn tiring days for me. Since Thursday, I hardly 've any time to practice cello and do revision for both BFD and AFD. Oh gosh... exam is near the corner. OFA is on 29 July, BFD is on 11 August, and AFD is on 15 August... haix.... 2 weeks left... jialat...

Busying marking juniors theory books every night after came back from cultural night practice, rehersal or performance. *Burining mid-night oil... * And here... today another performance, hopefully I won't make any mistake le... heex... . Sunday... the school is not going to let us off too. Haix... we gotta go to Hwa Chong Insitution don't know for what. But we're going to sneak out when we signed out attendance. But think, I'll be going alone bah... straight after CO practice. Haix... so busy... wondering any one knows how tiring I'm.

One thing I should be glad... the storyline is finally done! Hoosh... finally... but guess we're going to write our dialogue/script on Monday... haix... can't even 've a break during weekends.

Tired... and exhausted... I need a break! Please...

Hm... and the stupid teacher-in-charge of BLSS CO... given me such a gigantic size for the dress of tonight's performance. Haix... the top, too big... and also the skirt... haix... sianz lah... so regret going back... helping them out. Shit... (o_oll)

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:33

19 July 2005

Where has my mood gone to, or I'm just taking a break?

Since the cultural night practice, I haven't been practicing cello which I think I'm slacking too much, cuz initially, I had the time but just too tired to practice which I think was an excuse. Oh dear, when can I've a good schedule for me to practice cello and do revision for both BFD and AFD module? When can I settle down?

I lost my mood to study to practice cello since Sat after cultural night practice. I had been thinking and wondering for days, am I wrong? And more often that not, that affected my mood as well as the schedule I've planned.

I'm tired... and I hope... I'm just taking a break... not slacking...

Think I had over-stressed myself... pimples getting more and more... or perhaps... was a punishment for what I had created on Sat... sigh... it's getting from bad to worse... hopefully it recovers fast... please... is alwful to have so many pimples on your face... haix... saddist...

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:39

I'm not just a loser but a failure

Today had my AFD progress test, not countable but still I practiced and has a very high expectation of all class test, progress test, mock test and examination. I wanna make sure I do well and not regret at a later time.

Get back our BFD progress test result, I did extremely badly and was extremely disappointed with my performance. Errors identified are as follows:

Multi-choice, I know the answer should be B but I was so careless and I wrote C and that's it, 1marks gone. I know the illustrative diagram should be Economy and not economic, but still it was so careless of me to write economic, half mark gone. And I've memorized all the 8 points (Higher marriage age, smaller families birthrate falling, increased standard of living, greater car ownership, increase enthic mix, increase leisure time, changing of work patter [more part-time, flexible and unsocial working hours] and lastly, level of education and training) of people changing their needs and wants due to the social environment but I wrote none of it just because I don't understand what's the question is asking, and I went to write the two characteristic, characteristic of population, cultural influence and changing trends, sianz... 4marks gone. Total marks lost because of carelessness = 6.5... and another 2marks, I really do not understand the qns, that's why, I don't blame myself for that. And see, if with the additional 5.5marks, I'd get 49/50... shit me... I'm not just a loser but also a failure.

But I always believe this, "A champion is not someone who failed but someone who doesn't quits"

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:22

17 July 2005

An entry to my beloved juniors.

I was sorry for what happened yesterday afternoon, I sincerely apologize to everyone of you.

Let me share what's on my mind.

I do admit that human beings do make mistakes and they should be forgived. I wasn't wrong in the first place as I do keep reminding Jo's that she should lead the whole cello group for that particular part of "XIN KONG". However, she failed again and again. I was utterly disappointed despite the beats that I had beaten out during the rehersal but none of you even bother to follow. Am I wrong?

I was patience to keep repeating myself that you girls didn't catch the correct beats given by Jame's but still the mistakes kept repeating, sigh..."Ones has a limit for everything".

And look, punishment do works on you girls, agree? When I talk nicely, no ones 'll wants to listen unless I used shout and threaten then it works. But why? You girls are young adults, I don't think is necessary for me to do that... treating you girls as a 3 yrs old kids by punishing you girl, right?

Sigh... it was a disgrace to Ji's of you girls having a damn lousy and useless senior... I'm a loser...

Well, perhaps... I shouldn't care so much or even better if I can just stop going back for practice, feeling so thick-skinned.... perhaps... I should really give up. Just hope that that particular will come true soon.

I hope I'll luv myself more

13:00

16 July 2005

Guess these two days I had been slacking too much... gosh... my plan was destroyed! And both Monday and Tuesday I'll be having exam... how how how? Not yet fully prepared. I'm wondering am I stressing myself too much, well I'm not.

Previously, the first days of the week, I did quite well actually... erm... in time management. Alternate system. One day I'll concentrate on cello, one day concentrate in revision, which I think the plan was pretty good. Today I sort of reward myself for doing quite well for BFD class test, so I actually allows myself to go out, but promise to go back home at 4.30pm, but I failed. Eventually I reached home around 8pm. Sianz... slacked too much again.

Because of this, I don't 've the mood to do revision any more. And now I ended up with BFD tutorial homework, AFD qns 6, petty cash book, research haven't done yet. And tomorrow still 've to leave home early for the cultural night rehersal. Sianz... until 1pm... guess tomorrow if Ji's gonna 've his lesson, I doubt I'd be going... I'm so stressed up...

Who will understand? Sigh.... doubt no ones...

Nvm... I'll be strong...

Now I'm going off to finish up all my homework before going to sleep. So that tomorrow right after the rehersal, I'll get back home and get my revision done before practicing cello again. Sunday... wanna take leave, but still I don't wanna. Think I better go and right after prac, I wanna go home and do revision again... to get myself fully prepared for Monday test...

I hope I'll luv myself more

00:32

13 July 2005

Ever since school started, I haven't had a proper schedule for after school. But quite glad that I didn't slacked that much... haha... studies and cello wise still balanced.

If I weren't wrong, it had been quite a long time since I last properly played bach suites. Haha... totally forgotten the technique of playing it, and is really tough to re-master out the first 5 bars of suite no 1, prelude. Oh well, when I've more time, I would like to re-master everything for the first suite.

Listening to Ma's playing bach suite was always so relaxing. The vibrato he used was so often and it really flow from phrase to phrase so smoothly.

Hm... got back my class test result, so sad that I didn't scored full mark when I think I should scored that high. 5 questions, 30 marks, short answer questions. In the actual exam, the whole paper will comprises of 15 MCQ for 30 marks, short answer questions, 30 marks and essay questions 40 marks. That's pretty much... gonna do well for my progress test next week, tested on unit 1,2 and 3. Gonna score the highest in class... if it's upon 100, I'm gonna score 95 and above and I'm contended. Hm... this time round I only manage to score 28/30. Mr Hari says that it was his fault to michelle cuz he didn't asked us to highlight another line. Sigh... he say during exam if possible, write down the whole junk. Haix...

Hm... me going off to do revision le. Should be happy but I just can't. Hm... gonna be motivated by money... hehe... that's about all...

I hope I'll luv myself more

21:38

12 July 2005

My goodness, just woke up... haha... lesson starts at 1pm this afternoon so is alright except that I'm not following my schedule. Cuz wanna wake up early to do revision for my BFD, wanna score A for it.

Ytd had BFD class test, even though it's not counted but still I wanna do well to show him that I'm following during his lesson, to prove to him that I'm a potential student. *Bleah* =) (Blush)

Kinda easy, still could remember the 5 questions.

What do you understand by the term business?
Objective of business from society's viewpoint.
List all the factors of production.
Explain capital and entrepreneurship.
Illustrate the relationship between the economy and business.

Hm... think I can't score full mark cuz I scare I made some careless mistake or miss out some important key point, sigh... If I manage to score full mark arh... then I'll be very happy.

Hm... progress test next week, unit 1 and 2. Sianz... unit 2 a very theoretical and heavy topic. So gotta everyday do revision le. Then the actual CA1 for all subjects are as follow:

OFA - 29 July

BFD - 11 Aug

AFD - Unknown yet but progress test is on 19 July... sianz...

I hope I'll luv myself more

10:16

11 July 2005

Last evening having a hard time looking for YMS Arts Center, aw... it was located very in of the road. Luckily went we arrived, the concert just about to start.

I finally know why the admission is FOC, cuz the students were all not fully prepared for this performance... except for a few seniors one and one of them is Audrey's, bravo!

After which, her dad's offered us a free ride back home. But before heading back, he drove us to Bukit Timah foodcourt center to had our dinner, it was so nice of him... a generous daddy that Audrey has got.

I discovered something... none of them had their proper meal in the sense of having rice or noodle, except for the dad, he had some fried noodle. Not very sure what aunty has got, but both Warran, and stella was having some fish and chip and nuggets. Whereas Audrey had only Chui Kuay... and we had pao bing and a big glup of sugar cane drink.

Very soon her dad drove us back to JP interchange and from there we went back home ourself.

Guess her mom has really putted lots of efforts in marking my theory, it was kinda strict of her. Haha... grade 1 and 2 not much problem, whereas grade 3 she needs to explain to me. Haha... wonder when I'll be going to her house.

Today guess going to get my favourite pen and then go down to BLCC to collect my cello. Cannot don't go take cuz Ji's given us concerto. Although not a very difficult one but still need to practice. Hehe...

Now having BFD lesson, it was like so boring and I still 've to survive myself for another hour. Oh gosh!...

I hope I'll luv myself more

08:57

10 July 2005

Finally the result is out

Today was a tiring day for... uses 4hours to mark my juniors grade 1 theory exam paper. Wahaha... most of them passed except one. But even though majority passed, but not very well done. Anyway... I'm quite contended... hopefully they can do a better job next round. Jiayou le...

Learn something new during yesterday's cello lesson. Manage to practice a concerto, was a fast, lively and energetic one... one month... and he'll determine whether we're going up to perform or not. One month... I really hope I can grab this opportunity to go on stage again and wanna my mom come and support me. *Bleah* Who asked her miss out one that time... Wahahaha...

So tiring... luckily tomorrow no CO. But still 've to go BLCC to get my cello cuz I left it there as I thought that tomorrow 'll 've practice. Sigh... nevermind... serve me right for being lazy. Haha...

Hm... that's about all...

I hope I'll luv myself more

01:39

08 July 2005

Tks Mummy

Wonder had I shared this, mummy bought me an anklet w rabbits on it. Nice sia... tks mummy.

Today I went to Bugis with my friend and I bought a necklace with the braclet for only **bucks... haha... worth it sia... then I got necklace le, I give the one that I had bought for mummy and I took the braclet... nice sia...

There's this cartoon character... I wonder is new or old. It's called the strawberry shortcake... so cute sia... I'm loving it. So regret that I didn't buy the pen... sia... nevermind... next time I should get it... haha...

I hope I'll luv myself more

23:10

Sick + Exhausted

I did my complaint today and sigh... guess it turns out an unpleasant thing.

It was like this, I told Mr Hari that if he could kindly speak to Mrs Ang and see if she could give us a break in the middle of the lesson or dismiss us early. Then he was very patience explaining to me that actually Mrs Ang was a very nice lecturer and why she used to teach accounting turns out to be teaching IT and blah blah blah... And he even ask me try not to had a (don't know what the hell) with her... I didn't lor... I'm not detesting her but just don't like the way she teach lor.

First of all, last minute changes, attitude problem, then lack of commen sense lor. I mean how could a lecturer starts a progress test AFTER lesson? She should let us do the test first and then go through the mail merge lesson. If lesson couldn't be completed on time, then she can continues the next day what. Sigh...

I admit I was disrespectful towards her by speaking ill bad things about her. But I just couldn't control my anger lor. I really seek for her understanding now and I hope that she can forgives me. Even though I know I'm at fault, but is definitely no way for me to say sorry face-to-face to her lor. And I really feel very guilty to show angers on my friends... so hopefully they understand why I'm behaving weird recently. And also, I'm rude to Mr Hari and it was very nice of him actually who's so tolerance when I even said that I'm skip Mrs Ang class if she still like this. He was rather surprised as I heard from his intonation but he still remain clam to explain to me that I can't do that. And so why he didn't want to speak to Mrs Ang himself but getting another guy from my class to speak to Mrs Ang? And he (Mr Hari) even knows that Mrs Ang actually favours a few guys in my class than us. Sigh... how can a teacher be so bias? And am I wrong to say that she's bias? If not why is he giving an accent to his words? Sigh... should I apologize? No way... !

I feel sorry for what I've done... but see... lecturer always said that they are there for us, but when we go to them, they tried to push the responsibilities to others. Sigh... I felt so lost...

And there... I just mention that I don't like lesson time to be delayed... and today he ended the lesson late too. But I can understand and I can see he has already tried hard to shorten the presentation time. Beside, most of the time he released us off early... which is fair enough, unlike her.

Frankly speaking, I liked all my lecturer, Mrs Ang (IT lecturer), Mr Hari (Class Advisor), Mr Cheo (Accounting Lecturer). I liked all of them... they're simply fun-loving but who knows whether am I speaking true or just lying and acting? Oh well, believe or not, I really liked them a lot... just that unsatisfy with the way Mrs Ang conducted the lesson. Sigh...

Just my luck... had been rather bad luck for these few days. So friends please forgive.

I'm sick... yet tomorrow still 've to reach there earlier to conduct the exam... hopefully everyone passed. Haha...

Hm... recently whole body gets numb every easily, even when I slept... sigh... guess had been in the air con room too often le.

Actually tomorrow don't wanan go prac, but can't as I need to conduct the exam. Cuz... I'm sick + exhausted... and practice actually ends at 5pm... and Sunday still 've to go prac... after that 've to meet my juniors up for teaching them in theory... and Monday... progress test for BFD unit 1... I putted so many efforts and energy in my juniors, I really hope that there'll be just one of them can let me sense his/her appreciation lor.... but so far... I didn't sense anyone of it... oh well, is late... gonna sleep...

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:51

What the hell!

Now having IT lesson, and I'm really damn frustrated with that lecturer. Not only one thing, but for many reasons I detest her.

First and foremost, most the the time, she released us on the dot which I strongly think that she should realease us 15 mins or 10 mins early since there's no break for us in between, am I asking for too much, NO!

Yesterday, we had our progress test. As a professional lecturer, she should know that she should starts the progress test first and then do the assignment right? But she did a vice versa. Sianz... so we were released at only 5.10pm which exceeded 10mins. Shit... and more over, it's the last lesson of the day... and we're all damn tiring.

And today... bloody hell... keep changing the question lor, then she didn't even bother to write down on the board. Sianz... I mean she should say: "Class, please take note of the following admendments that I had changed for assignment 23" and then list down the changes right? Shit her... then when I print out wrongly, she give me a kind of irritated look, saying that the name, class and assignment number should be seperated. (o_oll)... sianz...

IT was the only lesson that I hated so much even though I loved the computer and the keyboard so much... but still... this bloody hell teacher runied my mood and if there's ever I skipped her class, don't blame me... she forced me to do so. *Bleah*

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:04

07 July 2005

Anyone appreciate the things I do for them? Doubt so...

Went to our school CO yesterday, sucks man, their standard was like so low, even lower than BLSS, shit... bloody hell, totally cannot stand it. And the most important thing is that, they short of instrument, just talk about cello, they short of 3 cellos man! And asked me if I wanna learn other instrument... shit lah... I thought I can borrow one from school since BLSS is short of cellos too. Sigh... and I sat down one whole evening from 5.30 to 8pm without playing any note. So pathetic right? Think I'll not want to continue to join le, maybe considering that band since they also 've cellist in their band

During S&W, rather funny lah, the coach wanna us do all NS training equipments sia... haha... then end up we cannot do and we don't wanna do, so he was left speechless and I thought he will punish us by asking us to run, but luckily, he didn't. Haha... afterall, he's a pretty understanding coach.

I was like hating Mrs Ang so much... hardly will she release us off early. Today even more worse, wanna give us progress test then don't wanna start early then we not enough time to do and she uses 10mins of our time... and so I ended school at 5.10 pm, bloody hell lah... I'm going to talk to Mr Hari, if she continues like this, I'll skip her lesson. There's nothing new okay? Shit...

Then went to Gramercy music shop to buy a cello bag and help my juniors to buy rosin and stopper. Spent $109.55 altogether. Haha...

Until now... still worrying about the exam that I'm going to conduct this Saturday... still worrying about CO stuffs and my juniors... sigh... guess they're spoon-feeded... shit... going to give them a lecture.

Tired... gonna sleep... tomorrow will be a better day for me. Doubt anyone appreciate things that I've do for them.

And dad... also don't know what's happening to him, today is only the 7th of the month and he had only about 5o bucks left... shit... and mom... everytime only know how to ask me buy things only lor, then didn't return me the money. Not that I wanna be calculative lor but is true what. Everyday additional $2 had to be spent... then my allowance getting lesser and lesser... then internet bill also I pay when I strongly thinks that it should be paid by parents. Sigh... doubt they'll wanna pay for me lah... nevermind... so depressed...

Really feel like having a good cry but no mood lah... going to sleep. And tomorrow think I'll cancel again the meeting with Gina... if I'm really too tired.

Bloody life of mine... shit

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:13

05 July 2005

Excited...

Tomorrow gonna have my first CO practice at simei. Heard from my friend that there are only 20 over people in the orchestra troupe. But I thought was a combination of all ITE? Well, we will know the answer by tomorrow.

Lesson ends at 3 tomorrow afternoon, so I plan to go to somewhere around the school to do my homework or revision until 5pm then head to the practice. It was kinda bored to know that the practice at 8pm... sigh... will be reaching home around 9.30pm then. Wah... that's a long day for me. Hopefully I won't be too exhausted...

BFD... lesson going deeper and deeper... but my revision and hardworking attitude seems to fade away. Well, next week, Monday there'll be a class test on unit 1, which I've confident to score 90 and above since I've putted so much effort in doing revision for that topic. Hm... guess I'm leaving soon to do my revision...

I hope I'll luv myself more

21:06

Sianz...

Yesterday practiced cello using CH's cello, wa kao... cannot practice, cuz the strings to too far away from the fingering board le. But I still resisted for an hour by practicing the thumb position and staccato... then after which went to sleep le until this morning 7 near 8am.

Today lesson starts at 1pm... so later about 12 more minutes gotta go out of house le, sianz. Don like this kind of time-table... I rather it starts at 8am and ends early for the day.

Gonna learn cash book (3 columns) for accounts fundamental later, think is a little different from my BK. Nevermind... hopefully is not difficult.

Yesterday's BFD lesson was very funny... cuz Mr Hari actually pronounced the word "Environment" as "AT-Y-MENT" instead of "EN-VI-RO-MENT". Haha...

K... is about time to leave... sianz...

I hope I'll luv myself more

11:16

03 July 2005

So embarrassing

Took cab to practice this morning, cuz is already 11am, all thanks to elder brother who was inside the bathroom for such a long hour! =(

I was the only cellist and I didn't know that there's a part of the piece that we practiced this morning had a "cello solo". Shit, then not dare to use the whole bow, cuz scare play wrongly. Accuracy of F sharp to G not very accurate, kena said by Mr Lee. Haha... and wasted a few mins of everyone's time just because of some unclear written of the scores and some missing bars. Haha, so careless of Shui Nan...

After practice, saw Sharon received 100 bucks for performing. Wa liao, my eyes red sia. Haha... hm... that time there was one, Lick Suan asked me, but not sure have they performed already liao ma. Haix... if they performed liao, then I think the money that Sharon took was her allowance for that bah. Guess I really have to learn how to read simple score le. Haix... felt so envious...

Asked Su Qing to buy one cello bag, and he really agreed. I mean... quite a few already torn and I uses a lousy cello bag for carrying back Chong Hwee's cello since mine was lent to Cheryl. Then he asked me to go down and buy myself and asked take a receipt and claim from him. $70+ sia... expensive. Haha... then he ask me to take care of it. Muhahaha... I gotten a new cello bag!

Nah, again... I'm in my two minds whether to buy cello or not. Of course I'm still thinking to ask the CC to subsidy part of the cello cost. Afterall, having one personal cello is good but I really scared that I'll give up.

Any suggestion or advise?

I hope I'll luv myself more

16:03

So sianz

Hm, gonna have a wash up then head to BLCC for practice, sigh... so sianz, Jo's not going.

Later gonna be back home asap... cuz haven't been doing revision for a few days and all the notes that I memorised gonna fade away already, gotta buck up!

Lend my cello to Cheryl, sob... cuz she've no cello to use mah, then I lend it to her and I use Chong Hwee one... sianz... his cello sucks sia... the string so hard. But a professional cellist could adapt the form of every cello. So I'm trying to be like one...

Shit, elder kor inside the bathroom, I need to use it now. Haix...

That's about all gonna pack my stuffs before going to BLCC le.

I hope I'll luv myself more

10:13

02 July 2005

My Msn Messenger is working again!

This is the forth entires for the day. Anyway, I'm tired but just couldn't get to sleep so was doing some cleaning up of my contact list and also uninstall some unwanted games or programs.

Went to delete everything about msn and uninstalled them and get download again and installed it back to my computer and I realize it's working fine! Woohoo... miss all the features sia!

Happy...

I hope I'll luv myself more

01:47

Self reflect

Recently had been punctual for lessons, but the lecturer was late most of the time. Guess over here, I should be understanding as the staff room is really far away from our lecturer room.

Finally I received my Ez-link card, for the past two weeks I have been paying my transportation fees using the Adults fare, cannot afford it, everyday 've to top up $10... but now... different already, students fare. =)

As usual, it was our (Jing jing and I) promise that we'll dine in at campus heaven every Friday. So today I ordered Waffle with Ice Cream top costed me $3.50, it was delicious!

Reached home and get myself settle down to practice cello only at 4pm. Had 2.5hrs of practice but concentrated on concerto. Hopefully tomorrow won't be nagged by him.

At around 6.30pm felt so exhausted so went into my room and sleep all the way until 9pm. The weather was like so warm and I just can't continue my sleep. It was so selfish of him to take the whole fan. Sigh, so woke up and came online until now.

Dad was being so ridiculous. I was doing a self reflection just now that I shouldn't be losing my anger. I wasn't sure what my niece had done to make him so furious and beaten her up. He used his hand, but I believe he uses strength too and guess it was so hard that my niece cried. I felt so heartbroken to heard her crying from my room and thus, I went out quickly and carried her.

I was so frustrated and my niece was like crying non-stop. Sigh, what to do? My dad spent all his salary to pay up bills etc and now left with only a few hundred bucks, but he shouldn't be losing his anger too. Beside, she's only a 2yrs old toddler. Well, just hope that this kind of incident won't be happening again.

Anyway, partly he lose his anger was because of me showing him that fucking attitude. Well, I just don't like someone to interrupt me when I'm practicing cello, not even talking to me. I just wanna seek his understanding.

Not very sure what came across my mind that I had a sudden thought of giving up cello. To work as a part-timer earning some money for my daily allowances since my dad seems to have difficulties in affording my daily expenses. But at the same time, study hard for all my tests and exams. Oh well, I know myself very well, and if I were to make such a decision, most probably I'll be neglecting my cello practice. And that doesn't make and difference from giving up even though I really do not wish to. Sigh...

Sometimes, I really can't figure out what my dad's been thinking about. He kept saying that he has no money for this and that but yet have the money to smoke. I really cannot stand him and I really think that even he have no money for his meals, I also shouldn't be giving him any money for him to buy his food. Why wanna smoke, why? I was glad I quit smoking when I started not long ago.

Audrey, I hope she's fine now. I often saw her with a cheerful look but guess her appearance deceived her real characteristic. I wish I'd be by her side everytime she's feeling down but I just can't simply because we lives too far away from on another. No matter what, I'm always open to everyone who needs a pair of listening ear and shoulder to lean on. So friends any problem just come to me k?

Tomorrow gonna meet her at Boon Lay Control Station. Actually, I'm not that hardworking but nevermind, I'll just show her once how to get to BLCC from there just incase she's coming the next time and it happens that her dad couldn't fetch her to there. So gotta wake up early...

So far school lifes have been pretty fun hopefully it gonna stays like throughout the rest of my duration over there...

I hope I'll luv myself more

00:23

01 July 2005

Personality Test

You're systematic, thorough, painstaking, and hardworking...You get the job done and complete it on time...you are serious and sincere in whatever you do..you work well within a structure...follow the hierarchy...and are particularly strong and careful in keeping track of facts and details...

Cautious...generally seeking to maintain the status quo...you are at your best getting things to the right place at the right time....

Serious, responsible and sensible stalwarts of society...trustworthy and honor your commitments...your word is your solemn vow. Practical and realisitic, you have great powers of concentration....hard to distract once you have embarked what you believe is the best course of action.... ..

You like to apply past experience to present decisions...you can cite accurate evidence to support your views...you're down to earth and seek to do the right thing at the appropriate time...you find it hard to understand people who start an education but don't finish it...

You are diligent and persevering in your efforts...whether it be school, or work, or love...A half-finished job is not a job well done...you probably believe in "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Private by nature, you appear calm in moments of crisis...

You believe in work before pleasure...(gee, like posting before playing the online games on Storm Palace?)..while you don't SEEK leadership positions, you might find yourself in one...you build a reputation for reliable, stable and consistent performance...

You like to schedule....even your LEISURE time! It helps to you if it has a purpose, even if that purpose is sociability...to you, love means bigtime commitment, steadiness and consistency...you behave appropriately for what the situation demands (for example, romantic in the beginning, and so on)..

When you give your word and are ready to settle down, you follow-through... you expect your partners to act in a similar manner...you may stay in a poor relationship because of a sense of duty...you might have strong but unspoken reactions under that cool facade...

Logical and analytical...quick to point out flaws in other people...when you feel scorned in a relationship, you may not let your partner know it..when it's obvious that the relationship is really over, ending it is just the practical thing to do... Things to look out for: you could immerse yourself in details...you could become rigid in your ways and be thought of as inflexible... don't forget to compliment people and be so concerned with getting the job done....you might overlook the long-range implications of your actions today...don't get stuck in a rut...recognize your emotions, and the values they represent... others might see you as insensitive...

Also, you're skeptical of new ideas you don't see immediate and practical applications for...you may impose judgments on others...expect others to be the way YOU'd be...become more tolerant of difference between people.

ISTJ: "I Save Things Judiciouslyl"

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:48

Fuck off lah!

Kanasai, wanna sleep also cannot sianz! All smses wakes me up and the stupid warm weather and that idiotic brother who uses the fan himself. All these people go hell lah! I was so exhausted but that smses just can't stop sending in and that girl, also don't know what's the matter with her, so difficult to get contacted.

Shit... don't wanna say anything more. And that bloody hell father no money show his anger on my niece by beating her. You go eat **** lah! Shit shit shit... sigh...

No ones know how tiring I'm... I just wanna rest early also can't. Sigh... tomorrow still got practice... sianz... if tomorrow tired, I don't wanna go practice le lah.

Haix... how I wish I can go hell lah... living alive always so miserable and torturing. It had been a long time ever since I'm a happygirl but guess now, I'm back to the old days again. Shit!

So tiring... even though I had been sleep from 6pm to now, still so tired. Long time didn't feel like this le.

Shit... many things in my mind, but just too tired to type a decent entry. Sianz... I know dad will be glad if I say this --> I'm going to give up cello and work as a part-timer and school at the same time. Just for the sake of not wanting to take his money. Sianz...

That's all, that's all...

I hope I'll luv myself more

22:27